Unstable
by The way I move
Summary: Caught committing suicide by her brother and father, Alexandra Koursaki is being kept under the watchful eye of the Soul Society whilst friends and family desperately try to restore what the girl used to be, in attempts to get her out of depression. Though will all of their work goes to waste when the man who made her life shit returns? Rated HIGH T, Dark Themes implied. ByakuyaXOC
1. Chapter 1

**Unstable **

**Chapter 1**

**Arrogance Will Always Be Bliss For The Dying**

Alexandra Koursaki calmly placed herself at the edge of the bed, the freshly washed covers crinkling under the weight of her body. The music from the radio drowning out her cries of sadness as her grip on the razor blade tightened, making her knuckles turn an unearthly pale white. The salty tears crashed down, stinging the long deep cut that lay across her cheek. The razor glistened in the dying light of the candle that lay on her bed side table. Suddenly a large wave of pain came crashing through her, sending her to floor. Gripping her head, the music played louder and the pain grew unbearable. Her breathing was irregular and her heartbeat quickening as more tears streamed down her face in a never-ending flow. Memories washed over her as her grip on life lessened, Alex's grip on her head tightened to the point that thick crimson red blood coated her light tan hands and inky black hair. Her eyes were shut and her crying figure trembled at the memories. Love. Abuse. Rape. No one knew, she couldn't do that to her family or friends. She made a vow not to become a burden. To become a burden was to become weak but the question was wasn't she that already or was there more to come. The radio still played. Still drowning out her sobs and cries for love and forgiveness. But she knew, that it was only a dream for the arrogant. Arrogance is bliss, a bliss that she could and would never have.

**Woke up screaming again**

**For the hundredth time**

**These details I can't escape**

Ichigo Koursaki leaned against the thin wall, listening as music flowed from his sister's bedroom. Since the day that she came back, her appearances had become less frequent and her usual cheerful smile was replaced by a saddened gaze. She was keeping a secret from him, from everyone but he knew he couldn't pressure answers out of Alex. Over the recent weeks she had been looking more fragile than ever, like she could burst into tears in any minute. He remembered when her best friend, Byakuya Kuchiki, pulled him aside and he still remembered what he said.

"_Byakuya why are you pulling me, shouldn't you be doing that to Alex," he said as the taller male sighed and shook his head. _

"_What is going on with Alexandra, she is acting strange," Byakuya said as his grey eyes fell towards the orange haired amber ones._

"_I don't know what you- "_

"_She is no longer smiling, never showing emotions and being more closed off," he explained as Ichigo leaned against the wall._

"_So she's…being you?" he chuckled but only got a glare from Byakuya._

"_Just look after her," he said as he walked away form the orange head. He knew that something was wrong but arrogance is bliss. It was maybe best to keep it that way. _

**Be with me tonight **

**And I couldn't shut her down**

**Like a moth to a flame**

Till now he didn't know what the older male had meant but as muffled sobs escaped the music, it hit him. She was crying and for a reason unknown to him. Walking out of his bedroom, he stood outside of the tall white door and knocked. The sound was sharp and cut through the music like a knife through butter. Listening closely he heard mumbles and louder sobs, so loud that Isshin came out from his room. Eyes set on the door.

**Drawing her much closer than I can take**

**Crying my name**

**Crying like you care**

She had heard them but she wouldn't open the door, letting them see her like this would just show how weak she truly was. Those three words ran through her head again. **Love.** _Abuse._ _**Rape**_. It only made her cry more and the knocking become louder, begging her to open up. Looking to the razor, that lay in her right hand, she remembered everything. The **Love **that she had for him only to be ripped to shreds by the _Abuse_ he gave her after she ran way with him. She was willing to love him no matter what even through the _Abuse_ but then it turned to _**Rape. **_She couldn't take it, so she ran away from **Love, **_Abuse _and _**Rape**_.

**Closer than I can take**

**Crying my name**

**Crying it like you care**

**Who I am**

"Alex open the door!" Ichigo shouted as Isshin kept on banging on the door.

"ALEXADRA KOURSAKI OPEN THE DOOR!" Isshin roared struggling to open the door.

If she was crying, then something was wrong. She hadn't cried since the age of ten and now being the age of eighteen and crying in the middle of the night. Something had happened but as more cries and sobs escaped the music, the sound of blood spraying across the floor cloud be heard. Both males looked at each other faces pale and scared.

"ALEXANDRA!"

**Sinking feeling again**

**I'm so ashamed**

**Stop thinking you won't be blamed**

Alex felt the loss of blood wash over her like a bullet to the skull. Her blood painted the floors as more of her life force escaped from her wrist. She wouldn't have to deal with the pain of keeping secrets anymore. Struggling to keep up with breathing, Alex let her head fall back as her pale blue eyes drew more tears. The knocking and banging on the door become louder and louder as her father and brother screamed her name. Arrogance will always be bliss for the dying.

**It wasn't all my fault**

**I can see it in her eyes**

**Like a blade to my throat**

Isshin had enough, Alex's spiritual pressure dropped so much he could barely feel it. She was nearly dead, he quickly ran and kicked the door down.

"ALEXADRA!" Ichigo screamed after the door was gone.'

She was laying on the floor, in a pool of her own blood the razor on inches away from her hand. Running over to her, Isshin knelt down tears covering his face as he rocked her body in his arms. Ichigo just looked at her shocked, he didn't even know.

**Coming even closer than I can take**

**Crying my name **

**Crying it like you care**

**Closer than I can take**

**Crying my name**

**Crying it like you care **

**Who I am**

Byakuya sat up from his bed, something wasn't right. Then it came to him, Alexandra's spirt pressure was gone. Getting out off bed her quickly changed into his uniform and grabbed his zanpaktou. She couldn't be dead, not Alexandra. She said she was fine and he believed when quite clearly, she wasn't. He was a fool. Rushing to the world of the living, he felt the adrenaline coursing through his veins as he ran through the dimly lit streets. Running for her.

**Back to my old ways tonight **

**This has gone too far**

**I feel now that you need to go**

Ichigo felt the older Kuchiki's presence but was too overwhelmed by the guilt and loss to bother. Byakuya appeared in the door way, looking frantically toward Alexandra. His prediction was correct she was dead. Walking over to her, he knelt down and touched her face.

"Alexandra," Isshin muttered tears still running down his face

**Calling me again**

**You have pushed to hard**

**I know now that you need to go **

"I can heal her," Byakuya finally as Ichigo looked over to him with hopeful eyes.

"Please, do it," he pleaded as Isshin placed her body down onto the floor.

Leaning over her, Byakuya quickly healed her wounds and to his amazement a pale blue glow surrounded her body bringing the lost blood back into her body.

"Alex please answer me,"

**Closer than I can take **

**Crying my name **

**Crying it like you know **

After what had seemed ages, Alex's chest moved and her breathing could be heard. Sighing in relief, Byakuya looked towards Isshin and Ichigo.

"What happened to her?" he asked, cold emotionless mask back on.

"We don't know,"

**Closer than I can take**

**Crying my name**

**Crying it like you care**

**Closer than I can take**

**Crying my name**

**Crying it like you care **

Then he looked toward the razor blade, sticky with thick red blood. Ichigo let his eyes wonder to where the Kuchiki's were. Suicide.

"Why did you do it," Byakuya muttered

**Closer than I can take**

**Crying my name **

**Crying it like you care **

**Who I am **


	2. Chapter 2

**Unstable **

**Chapter 2**

**The Light that is missing**

**I hope that you enjoyed the last chapter the song was Crying my name by Seven Day Sonnet, I thought it would complement the atmosphere. I will add a few songs in the mix and try and post on Fridays, or whenever I can. A big thank you to Water Lander you are amazing.**

Ichigo looked over towards his bedridden sister, her waist length black hair uncombed and messy. It had been almost a month since she attempted suicide and so far, Alex had refused to leave her room. Sighing in defeat, Ichigo turned away from Alexandra. If she wasn't going to explain what had happened then he would have to force it out.

"Alexandra, what happened during that time you were gone," he asked as her cobalt blue eyes met his amber brown.

"I don't want to talk about it with you, younger brother. It will only upset you and disappoint father," she stated flatly as Ichigo angrily shook his head.

"Cut the proper speaking shit, I want to know what happened to you. Alex, I want you to be back to normal," Ichigo said as Alex turned to face the window a sad sigh escaping her lips.

"Get dad, I don't want to explain this twice and after I tell you don't even think about telling Byakuya," she snapped as he raised an eyebrow at her.

She always let the Kuchiki know about secret things before he or Isshin did. Something was different. Standing up, Ichigo glanced over to Alexandra, her eyes glassy and fallen. _'Just get dad and then I can find out what happened. If this has something to do with that barstard, Hizomayaka, he is going to pay,' _he thought silently as he walked to the living room, thoughts of silent fear and anger coursing through his brain.

Alex intently as footsteps could be heard coming towards the door. She needed to get this out in the open, well maybe not officially out but within the family. Secrets are a burden to have, always making sure that no one knows about what you are trying to hide. It was driving her to the brink of insanity. But now the question was: what her father and brother would think of her. Disappointed? Protective? She honestly didn't know but it was best now to make assumptions, that would just set her up for something unexpected. Suddenly, the door opened, showing Isshin and Ichigo their faces filled with worry.

"What did you want to talk about Alexandra?" her father asked as she turned to face the window.

"I wanted to talk about _it _and why _it_ happened," she said as Ichigo sat down, his legs turning to jelly with the memory.

"When I left all those months ago, I was with the person I thought that I loved. The relationship went smoothly for a few months, a few arguments over nothing. I should of listened when is friend told me to leave him. _He may seem sweet, Alexandra but he is nothing more than a user, leave him now I beg you before he hurts you and leaves you to pick up the pieces_, he told me. Of course I was foolish and didn't listen and I paid the price. It was a Saturday night and he came in drunk; I remember him slapping me across the face and kicking me across the room but after that it was a blur. When I awoke, I saw him passed out across the kitchen floor. I tried to stand but I couldn't, my leg was trapped under the microwave. Then I looked at the floor, blood- my blood- covered it. I couldn't sleep for days after that, seeing my own blood so clearing presented over the white floor like paint on canvas. Blow after blow knocking me back now onto the ground, never once did I stand up to him. It was only when he came into my room and raped me did, I stand up. It took him by surprise, for someone that he thought was weak to rise up from the mud to become a stronger being. After I beat him, I ran, I ran back to here. But the past isn't as easy to forget as it seems, I still had nightmares of what happened and it was driving me mad. So I did what I thought was necessary, kill myself. I wasn't going to become a burden and the stress was killing me already. But you brought me back and for some reason I still feel like it was all my fault. The suicide. The rape. The abuse. All my fault, I understand if you are angry or upset. Just don't lie about your feelings and I beg of you don't let any one else know. Please," Alex pleaded her eyes laced with tears and shoulders sagged.

Her father got up and hugged her as she cried into his arms, he had no right to ask who this man was or pressure any answers out of her. The fact that she had just opened up to him was one thing but keeping it a secret was another. At that moment, he saw the missing pieces fit in. Love. Abuse. Rape. Suicide. But he felt there was more to come, a lot more if it was to restore the light that was missing in the life.


	3. Chapter 3

Please can you review and tell me if I should delete this story or not, I don't know what to do and I want to continue writing but I need you to review and leave some suggestions cause I have writers block


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